Monday, 4 April 2011

If you're waiting for change,

wait only as long as it takes for you realize that the one who has to make the changes you want to see happen is yourself.

Day 4 - Seven things that cross your mind a lot

1) Whether or not I'm forgetting something. Like now. I can't shake the feeling that there's something I should be doing instead of blogging... Oh well.

2) Julez and the state of my carpet (when I'm not home).

3) Food, my all-time favorite daydream subject.

4) Sex. According to statistics, men think about sex thirteen times a day!

5) Flatulence. Coincidentally, thirteen is also a person's average number of farts per day. In order to maintain efficiency, I have trained my mind through enormous amounts of self discipline and sheer willpower to think about sex whenever I break wind. This is another testament of my multitasking abilities.

6) God and whether or not what I am doing would be pleasing to Him, which keeps me out of trouble. Most of the time...

7) You ^.~

Oh! Excuse me, I just farted, so..... Commander JerBear signing off.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

I love breaking

rules. From the lightly exhilarating thrill of jaywalking, to plagiarism's dark vileness, I revel in them all. This is why I am skipping ahead in my Blog Challenge to Day 7 *insert evil smiley*! Fret not; I shall return to the days that are skipped and complete them when the mood strikes.

[NB: I do not practice plagiarism, or in any way endorse that sort of behavior. The above was written for comedic effect only. However, I will hold true to the admission of my fondness of jaywalking.]

Day 7 - Four turn-offs

1) That initial ice-cold spray from the shower-head every time I turn on the water to wash myself. Granted, that's not very often...

2) Food that looks much tastier than it actually is. There is something deeply upsetting about food when its aesthetic appeal far surpasses its palatability. The disappointment is so great that the libido of any ordinary man cannot stand uninjured.

3) Jeans that have a tendency to ride up. Admit it, guys; all feelings of sexiness dissipate when your very own trousers turn against you and obstinately afflict you with constant wedgies.

4) Finding giant boogers in the deep crevices of my nostrils. As satisfying as it might feel, there is nothing less arousing than picking out a fat piece of crusty booger.

Guys (and girls, perhaps), I think you will find that my list also holds true for you. Unless of course, you are a sexual deviant who entertains some bizarre snot fetish. If that is the case, then I do not condemn you; as they say: "it takes all kinds to make the world go round". Commander JerBear signing off.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Sometimes I feel like the psalmist

of Psalms 69. The passage begins like this:

"Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God..."

Let me pause here to amply warn you, my handful of dear readers, that if you are looking for the witty humor that prevailed in most of my previous posts (unless I have overestimated my wit), then perhaps you should reread the post titled "I have very dexterous...". This is a post about my walk with God, and my interpretation of His words.

The psalmist is crying out to God. It is easy to see that he is beyond troubled or upset; he is in mortal peril. Even as he calls for help, the floods and the miry depths are already claiming him, and though he is trying to reach for God, he has already reached exhaustion. This is often how I feel, especially in recent times. I can see that I am on the brink of destruction, yet I have no strength to run to God, no voice to call out to Him, and no sight with which to look for Him. What's more, the psalmist says, "I have come into the deep waters". Likewise, I have to confess, no matter how much I try deny it, that I have also come, by my own choice, into the deep waters; it is by my own doing that I am on this brink of destruction. That is called self-destruction, and anyone who destroys himself deserves the fruit of his labors. However, our God is good, and the psalmist continues:

"But I pray to you, O Lord, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink."

Despite his surroundings and the situation at hand, the psalmist calls upon God's great love. He knows that God will rescue him from the mire and keep him from being claimed by the depths. It is his knowledge of this sure salvation that gives him confidence. God is good; His love is greater than great; His salvation is sure beyond all doubt. Because of our God, in times when I feel like the psalmist, about to be claimed by the depths - even if it is due to my own mistakes and flaws - I can call out to God and be sure of His salvation, because of His great love for me.

~ So I'll praise you God of earth and sky, how beautiful is Your unfailing love ~

Thursday, 17 March 2011

My name is Turtle.

Today I walked into Vancouver Technical Secondary School, where I volunteer as a tutor, and a student promptly approached and informed me that she had decided to rename me "Turtle". Apparently my slowness, stubby limbs, and heavy carapace possessed uncanny resemblances to those of the lazy reptiles'. Go figure. Anyway, here's my proper attempt at Day 3 of the Blog Challenge. Wasn't that an excellent segue?

Day 3 - Eight ways to win your heart (in no particular order)

1) Be compassionate and willing to serve others. I can't not love you if you have love for those around you, especially if you have a love for the less fortunate and are willing to do your part to be a blessing to them.

2) Love children and be good with them. I think it speaks volumes about you if you have the patience, understanding, kindness, creativity, and willingness to be around kids and enjoy their company.

3) Be able to rough it and give up your creature comforts, whether for a good cause (mission work for example), for fun (like camping), or just because (perhaps your toilet failed and you are forced to defecate into a hole in your backyard, who knows).

4) Be sure of yourself. Don't be afraid to stand firm for what you believe in, fight for what you know is right, and take charge when the situation calls for it.

5) Be respectful towards elders, others, me, and most importantly yourself.

6) Realize that I have a horrible memory and be graceful about the fact that I just might tell you the same story four times. Also, be graceful about the fact that I might forget your birthday, your number, and occasionally your name... In all seriousness, this one is about accepting my faults in general.

7) Motivate me to be a better person. This one is to be used in conjunction with number 6. More importantly than just accepting my faults, motivate me to work on my shortcomings and push me to be the best me that I can be.

8) Be sanctified. "We are called to be in the world, but not of the world". Live a life that is set apart from the world knowing that you are chosen by God for His glory.

So here it is ladies! The much anticipated top-secret walk-through for how to win my heart. Ready? Annnnnnnnnnd...... GO! Commander JerBear signing off.

PS: I'm waiting!

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Boredom makes you do stupid things,

like writing two blog posts in one day. I shall need to make up for this by not blogging for a while; the world should only ever be exposed to small dosages of my thoughts at a time.

Day 3 - Eight ways to win your heart at random things

1) Get rid of all your cards first.

2) Achieve best out of three when playing rock-paper-scissors.

3) Consume more hot dogs.

4) Knock down all the pins on the first throw.

5) Be the highest bidder at the silent auction.

6) Reach twenty-one points without busting.

7) Sink all the battleships.

8) Be able to distinctly pronounce "chubby bunny" while having more jumbo marshmallows crammed in your mouth.

If you are a loser and would like to win for a change, feel free to print out a copy of this list on how to win. Good luck! Commander JerBear signing off.

I have very dexterous...

Thumbs. Yesterday, while putting off the writing of an essay assignment that is due in an hour, I found myself unusually engaged in a silly iPod game. Its gameplay required players (either male university students with a passionate and unwavering dedication towards procrastination, or eleven-year-old girls) to drag around fluffy little animals to various grooming stations in a virtual pet salon. Honestly - and I am ashamed to admit it - when I first turned on the app I had hoped that I would be able to learn a few things about pet grooming which I could then apply to my adorable yet increasingly mangy puppy. However, hours later (two hours and seventeen minutes to be precise), I realized that all I had managed to accomplish was the atrocious and graphic murder of time, as well as the extremely thorough and absolutely unnecessary exercising of my thumbs. Even so, it was undeniable that the pleasantly pink and charmingly cartoonish world of the virtual pet salon was just the escape I needed from my dreaded English essay. Also, in the time I spent trimming, washing, and drying cartoon pets, I've come to realize and appreciate just how dexterous my thumbs are, and in light of  this epiphany, this will be the first fact about me in Day 2 of my Blog Challenge.

Day 2 - Nine things about yourself

1) I have very dexterous thumbs.

2) I have a puppy, whom I love very much. Except when she poops on the carpet or chews up my slippers. >=[... >=T... =T... <=T... <=[... But I can never stay mad at her <=]. ~<3

3) I enjoy receiving hand-me-downs more than buying new clothes.

4) I am an excellent (okay okay... a decent) cook.

5) I will not forgo an opportunity to eat bad food late at night. I simply refuse to. It's a matter of principle really.

6) I rock the straw hat and batik shirts, but only in India.

7) I am a sucker for Disney movies. I mean the romance, not the subliminal sexual and racist messages.

8) I play the recorder. Yes, I still play the recorder.

9) I answer questions about myself if you will just ask. No, seriously, ask me something =].

Hope my handful of avid readers enjoyed learning about me. Who wouldn't? I'm that interesting. Not really. Commander JerBear signing off.

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Who says guys can't multitask?

In fact, I'm so prone to multitasking that I am currently lying in bed, watching my dog chew on her paws, AND blogging simultaneously! I am the epitome of efficiency. Since I'm being so productive, I decided I might as well tackle Day 1 of the 10 Blog Day Challenge. Here goes:

Day 1 – Ten things you want to say to 10 different people right now


Psych. I think I will make this more interesting. For myself at least. Instead of typing out ten things that I really want to say to ten unnamed people over my blog (which an impressive total of two people will ever read), I am going to say the things that I would have written to the people that I would have written them for. I shall keep you posted about any slaps to the face or knees to the groin that I might sustain during this exercise. Commander JerBear signing off.

Okay okay, I concede to the fact that the above post is cheating as far as the blog challenge is concerned. Someone was kind enough to bring to my attention my extreme lack of skills regarding this "blogging" activity. In an attempt to rectify that and to appease a whopping 50% of my audience, here are ten things I want to say to ten different people:

1) Be proud of the fact that you have so much influence over me. It's because despite what I might say from time to time, I think you're awesome =].

2) Get your sh!t together. You're beautiful, you're brilliant, and you're an absolute mess. Start by respecting yourself more.

3) I wish we would talk even when you're not going through hard times.

4) Most of the time I don't realize this, but I miss you so much. Both of you... Seeing you guys once or twice a year is not enough >=[.

5) I wish you could learn from my mistakes instead of having to make them on your own. I'm waiting for you to wake up and realize how foolish your actions are.

6) After all this time, I would still feel a bit weird hanging out with you one on one. Let's change that this summer!

7) It seems like we never see eye to eye on anything, but I know you love me. I love you too ~<3

8) You're my hero. You always have been, and you always will be.

9) Think +! To some, it comes naturally, but people like me and you have to practice. Remember that you're a child of the Most High, and that HE loves you above all else.

10) Save me.

Now that I've gone through with it, you can no longer say that I'm cheating, lazy, lame, stupid, ugly, etc... Okay, maybe I can still qualify for ugly. Commander JerBear signing off. Again.